Question: Is advertising a bad thing? Whether you like it or not, we live in a capitalist society. Our chosen economic system favours private ownership of the means of production and the distribution of goods, within a free, competitive market. Which boils down to: every person who wants to sell something for a profit has the right to do so within the bounds of the law.

Imagine the market to be exactly that, like Smithfield, or the Souk. All the sellers are yelling. ‘Luverly coconuts!’, ‘My cousin Adbul has the finest carpets!’ That’s advertising; a way to get customers’ attention. Modern methods of advertising simply allow you to yell at more people in more places, more often.

Conclusion: in our free market, anyone has the right to sell stuff and to advertise the stuff they sell in the hopes of selling more. Advertising, in itself, is not a bad thing.

So now we’re left with, in the words of the Specials when for some reason they teamed up with Bananarama: ‘It ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it’.

I don’t like the yelling (you know who you are, Harvey Norman). I don’t like the intrusiveness (do NOT phone me at 7pm on a Sunday to sell me air-conditioning! I am watching Dr Who!).

Most of all, I don’t like the lies. I’ve identified four types of lies in advertising.

One: Blatant lies. Money-back guarantee. Cancel at any time. Your call is important to us.

Two: Glamour lies. Pro basketballers wear these shoes; supermodels wear this makeup; hot women ogle men driving this hatchback. No, they don’t. And you will not become one whit more intelligent, attractive or athletic you if you purchase these items. All you will become is some degree more poor.

Three: Weasel lies. 97% less fat! (But still stuffed to the gills with sugar!) Preferred by 3 out of 4 women! (What were their choices, exactly?) Recommended by leading dermatologists! (Once we paid them a fee!)

Four: Concealments. (Not true lies, but stuff sellers would prefer us not to notice.) Credit card interest rates. Instant finance interest rates. Terms and conditions. Anything attached to an asterisk.

Conclusion: Advertising, whatever method you choose, old or new, is still the way to sell your stuff to more people. But please, please, no yelling, no intrusions, and at least 97% fewer lies.